ever had a doubt?

so tonight ends a pretty enjoyable spring break.  it started out with beautiful 70 degree weather days & ended with some pretty cold & rainy days.  all in all, it was wonderful.  i slept in (everyday), and didn't feel bad about it.  bella & i got some good QT.  i did some shopping, got together with a few friends, went to a birthday party, and hung out with my sister's family.  not a usual spring break, but a great one overall!

i am starting monday on the last 2.5 months of this school year.  DOES NOT seem like we can even be anywhere close to our last 9 weeks of school, but we are right in the middle of it.  on the other hand, in september i felt like may 23rd was way too far away...  this school year has been a roller coaster...some ups, lots of downs... i know the Lord always has a plan behind everything - i pray that i've been faithful to him (most of all) in his eyes.

so as for the title of this whole thing...  i've been struggling lately with d-o-u-b-t. don't worry about the spelling thing... i've found myself doing this lately. a co-worker blames it on hanging out with jr. high kids & high school girls everyday of my life...i'll agree with that.  i guess the doubt starts to creep in when i'm most vulnerable - when i feel like i'm unprepared or not qualified to do what is in front of me... when even the least bit of resistance shows its face, is when i sometimes find myself fighting this battle.  this aggrivates the stew out of me because i want to be a confident; self-sure (in the Lord) woman/teacher/coach/wife, but i let little things dig the deepest trench in my heart & settle in.  now don't get me wrong, those of you that know me know that i don't have a problem standing up when i need to.  :)  some things seem black & white to me - but again, i do face those times when i'm not so sure...  my sweet dad would (jokingly) boil this down to being a "fickle female" full of emotions... and i'm sure part of that is true. :)  i guess the biggest warrior that shows his face would be the fear of failure. stinks, but i honestly think that's what cripples me most of the time...and honestly this is a pressure i put on myself.  gotta get over that. and quickly. one day at a time.

so just digesting thoughts at 11:19 pm on a Saturday night.  hubby bubby is away, so of course someone's got to listen. :)  

on a(lot) lighter note... 

i got to celebrate my cousin's daughter's 1st birthday today!  i can still remember the days when we were at each other's birthday parties getting cabbage patch kids, trolls in cheerleading outfits, new kids on the block sleeping bags, my little ponies, etc! :)

i also got to hang out with two of my sweet nieces today - love them so much.

and church is tomorrow. excited about that, but sad the barrons are out of town.  haven't gotten to be at bfg in about 2 weeks, so i'm looking forward to spending time with those sweet couples!

AND WE CLOSE ON OUR HOUSE THURSDAY!! finally the dear sweet Birmingham chapter of our life will be closed - only a whopping 19-20 mos after we actually moved. :) still waiting to hear anything about the Short-sell...would love for that to work out - still praying!!

the Lord is (always) good

wc